so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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