Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
