i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
