Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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