I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
