I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
