I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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