So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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