i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
