So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
