He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize