Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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