oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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