Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
