are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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