what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You took a bar mat shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
