Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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