I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
