someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
