my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
