You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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