All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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