i jhust puked up my retainher.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
