He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize