have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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