so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
