when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
