Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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