Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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