Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
