Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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