you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
