you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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