Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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