I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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