why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
