highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
