I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize