I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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