put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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