there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
