totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
