Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
