will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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