Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
