around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
