Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
