arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
