Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
