Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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