So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So vagazzling was a success
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
