What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
