Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize