On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
