Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
