when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
