I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
