Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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