U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
