the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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