please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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