i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
