is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
