i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
