i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
