Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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