we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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