i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
