Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
