I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
