Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
