Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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