wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
