she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
